Dear kittenpants:
Hi... My name is Elizabeth and have suffered with the same sized breasts since I was 12 years old. They are a small AA and very underdeveloped, and have never had the confidence that everyone thinks that I should have. I wear t-shirts w/ padded bras and shorts during the summer for a bathing suit, and am ashamed of this. I know that I am pretty, but I don't have the confidence that it takes to carry myself well...

My small chest has always been an issue with me, always being jealous of another woman, or getting mad at my b/f just for looking at or talking to another female that has bigger breasts than I do... I do feel as though an augmentation would cure this insecurity of mine, the only problem is that I can't afford it. I was kicked out of my parents house at the tender age of 16, and have been on my own ever since, struggling to make due with what I have, and never having the least bit of help from family or friends...

If you could find it in your heart to help some one in need... I would be most appreciative... Do you think that you could help me??

Thank you,
Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth:
I can't tell if this is a joke or not. If it is not a joke, then I'm not sure why you're asking me.

1. I don't believe in breast augmentation. I mean, I believe it exists, I just don't see the point in plastic surgery, beyond maybe reconstructive surgery for those disfigured in an accident or fire or due to some other misfortune.

2. In a million years I may be able to afford to pay for someone else's breast augmentation surgery, but I am pretty sure I would still not be willing.

I would recommend speaking to someone who has gotten the surgery and was unhappy with it. See what the real risks are. Then talk to every woman I know with tiny tits, and they'll tell you that other than the occasional wish for noticeable breasts, they are pretty satisfied with themselves, and have no trouble turning a guy's head.

If it is a joke, then please take a trip to Branson, MO, to see Yakov Smirnoff's live show. After learning the true meaning of comedy, feel free to try again.

I love this country!
xoxo,
kittenpants